November 20th 2022. A Sunday. A normal day from the outside. I had become exceptional at getting on with life. Made my way to church. Lifted my hands like everyone else. Nodded my head during the sermon. Put on the front. The smile. But no one knew. No one knew that behind those eyes I was one nudge away from showing it all. Broken. That earlier on that day I had stood on a train platform and contemplated whether to silence the noise. Forever. It was too loud. And the human strength I was leaning into was running on fumes.

3 years later. I’m still here (by the grace of God). And I have never felt stronger. Not because of my strength but because I finally learnt it’s not me that can carry me through. I’ve finally learnt that in order to gain it all I have to surrender it all. Take my hands off it. Release myself from the burden of protecting myself. Now don’t get me wrong, there are good days and not so good days. Sometimes it’s harder to hold onto the truth. But I know it. And I can never unlearn it.

The enemy tried to get me but the Lord has kept me. I tried with everything in me to run away but He ran after me every time. Longing for me whilst I grieved His heart. Knocking at the door and waiting patiently whilst I turned my back. Until I noticed Him. In the brokenness of life, I met Him. He met me.

My comforter. My healer. My shelter. My safe place.

In the arms of the Lord was where I was always meant to rest my head. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get here but thank you for being a Father who always has His arms wide open.

One who leaves the ninety-nine to get His daughter.

One who reaches out of Heaven and pulls her out of the deep waters.

A true love story.